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Sadly, I don't think the readers of my journal are the target demographic of this website. But if you guys do know men in their teens to forties (and maybe even older) who think they learned all they needed to know about sex from Jenna Jameson and her colleagues, direct them there.

Porn world: Men love coming on women's faces and women love having men come on their faces.

Real world: Some women like this, some women don't. Some men like to do this, some men don't. Entirely up to personal choice.

I've been out of the game for awhile and this is not a personal problem for me, but I've read a few accounts of porn setting standards for what men expect to experience in the bedroom. Women somehow are expected to follow along to rules set not only by men, but by some weird idea of what men are turned on by.

I've never, for example, understood why theoretical heterosexual males would be turned on by a cum shot. Yet, every fucking porn shoot climaxes, so to speak, with a pull out and cum shot, and those shots are not made for women. Then it occurred to me that they do that because for whatever reason, producers decided that men needed to see the male climax in porn, and if the penis was still inside, that wasn't going to happen. So the cum shot is for the benefit of the viewer (or the person unwisely trying a pull out method of birth control) much more so than the participant.

Let me be clear. I am in no way, shape or form anti-porn. I've viewed and enjoyed many hours of porn. Like anything creative, I find some of it to be really good, most of it to be so-so and a lot of it to be really, really bad.

I am, though, concerned that porn has distorted ideas about sex in the same way that other media has distorted ideas about beauty. And who the fuck wants formulaic, repetitive, predictable sex? We're not (usually) performing for the camera, so there's no reason in the world to fuck for one. And this isn't to say that a facial or prepubescent pubes or jackhammer pounding or whatever the current porn trend is are necessarily turn-offs or unwelcome, but setting expectations based off what one sees in porn without running it by your partner generally leads to a dissatisfied sexual partner.



( 4 comments — Say something )
Dec. 10th, 2009 02:32 am (UTC)
No kidding. I remember when the whole pulling your penis out and thwapping it on one's mons was the new great idea to drive women wild. Baffling, isn't it? And of course, the cum shot. Nothing says love quite like that. :-)

All that said, this comment on the waxing thing nailed another key bit on the head:
Well it's not only men that have a skewed idea of what's normal. Plenty of women have a whacked out idea of what normal is too.

Some women seem to have the idea that men can always get hard at the drop of a hat with minimal stimulation... as seen in porn... except in reality, a lot of those male porn stars pop viagra like it's candy.

*That* is very true. Sometimes Mr. Cock just isn't up for it. Maybe I had a stress filled day, maybe I'm nervous, maybe I'm just not interested. But the myth that a man has to be a walking F with the top bar removed is a bit more than annoying.

Good to see another guy thinks so as well.

Edited at 2009-12-10 02:40 am (UTC)
Dec. 10th, 2009 02:37 am (UTC)
In terms of films, there were always certain things that turned me on and other things, not so much. Bottom line is that lovers need to communicate about what they like and don't like. And then if the desires don't fit together, they should move on.

I mean, jeez, young kids get all sorts of bad information about sex from all kinds of places, including porn. Then, hopefully they learn something through experience and communication.

Yeah, I mean, porn is pretty silly. But is it some nefarious force ruining sex for a whole generation of young folks? I doubt it.
Dec. 10th, 2009 03:24 am (UTC)
Nicely put, as usual. And very interesting thoughts about the genesis of the cum shot. I think you may have something there.
Dec. 10th, 2009 03:28 am (UTC)
Oh hai
That was me replying there, the "anonymous" post. I guess I replied before logging in. Whoopseh.
( 4 comments — Say something )