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The Asparagus Incident

Two years ago, the day before the Christmas Tree Cutting Party, my dad got a call from my mother, who had gone up to the ranch with Jose the night before to get ready for the party. My dad, Claudia and I had to work on Friday, so we were coming up later that evening.

Jose and my mom had been persuaded by my dad to take Holden to the ranch with them. They really didn't want to take him, as he tends to demand all sorts of attention and gets himself into trouble if he's not kept a close eye on. My mother and Jose had way too many things to do to keep a close eye on Holden. But my dad's argument that Holden loves the ranch above all other places in the world and that it'd be cruel to go there while he sat in a 23rd floor apartment was somehow persuasive. I think he might have literally thrown (insofar as one can throw a 100 lab) into the car at the last minute.

So I suppose it should be no surprise that at lunchtime on Friday, while my dad, Claudia and a friend were having lunch, the call came from my angry, angry, angry mother.

Holden had eaten seven pounds of roasted asparagus meant for the party.

Did I mention that my mother was angry?

Of course, Claudia, my dad, the friend and I, when I finally heard about it, immediately burst into laughter. This was apparently not the appropriate response.

My mother and Jose locked Holden into the dog pen that we built a few years back for Zapata when we were a little concerned about his tendency to think of anyone who came near the house as an Enemy of the State that must be dealth with by force. But Zapata has been surprisingly good at parties, and Holden's five hour long incarceration that day is the only time the dog pen has ever been used.

My dad and I arrived with back-up asparagus later on that evening. Jose and my mom were still livid about the whole thing when we got there.

I was the one that freed Holden from his cell. He immediately urinated upon his release, and I can still recall the odor.

Jose and my mom are the only two people in the world who do not laugh about the asparagus incident.

I bring this up because as I type, a critical decision is being made about Holden's fate. My father and Chicken have already left for the ranch. Jose and my mom are leaving momentarily. Holden has been staying with my parents this week because he had a fairly major health issue come up and has been recovering from some surgery. Claudia works insane hours at a new(ish) job. She is supposed to be picking up Holden later today, but that will be after Jose and my mom leave. Due to work and a freaking snow storm, she won't be coming to the ranch until Saturday.

Will they feel sorry for him and bring him along? Will they remember how much of a pain in the ass he can be when his whims are not catered to? Will they recognize that there will be five people there (and four other dogs) there to keep an eye on him? Will they consider that we have to be extra special careful to ensure he doesn't end up in the lake (due to his incisions)?

Will Holden get to play in the snow with the other puppies? Or will the Asparagus Incident come back to bite him in the ass?



( 4 comments — Say something )
Dec. 4th, 2009 01:10 am (UTC)
I recall our Cocker sneaking off with a Xmas Ham before anyone noticed. Heard my mother scream and looked in the kitchen and we're trying to figure out how it got from the counter to invisible. Seemed he jumped, knocked it down and then dragged it out to the patio where he could enjoy it in the sunshine at his leisure. He was never allowed in the kitchen again.
Dec. 4th, 2009 02:53 am (UTC)
Take Holden...and take many, many pix! How many times are you going to get a chance to have pix of pups in snow????
Dec. 4th, 2009 02:55 am (UTC)
Also....reminds me of Rocky the WonderWeimeraner at the bay on July 4th....my paernts used to have huge parties down there (Trinity Bay) on July 4th...Rocky would invariably get out, disappear, come back reeking of eau de skunk and want to love on everyone....the neighbors were not amused.
Dec. 4th, 2009 04:13 am (UTC)
ha! scrolling backwards, I saw your next post first and responded "I hope he doesn't eat anything weird" before I saw this one. He is infamous!
( 4 comments — Say something )