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Fun with Michael Bay

So Graham and I were watching Transformers last night--the first one--and started coming up with rules for the Michael Bay Drinking Game.

You know, things like:

  • Take a sip when the action is in slo-mo. I realize a sip is pretty small potatoes, but you'll get pretty hammered on this rule alone, trust me.

  • Take three sips when the direction of the plot makes no sense whatsoever. (Take the Allspark into the city. Huh? What? Are you guys insane?; A team of roughnecks are the only ones qualified to be sent to space to blow shit up?; Your best friend's girlfriend?; Invade Cuba?, Nicholas Cage is an attractive hero?)

  • Take a gulp and then toast when a heroic figure needlessly sacrifices himself for The Greater Good. (The entire city of Houston in Independence Day, start chugging after the "I will not give that order" exchange in The Rock.)

  • Down your beer when something blows up and the fireball exceeds ten feet in diameter. (The Bad Boys franchise will probably get you through a case of beer on this one.)

  • Take a shot when someone delivers an inspiring speech summing up the awesomeness of themselves, their team, and what just happened. (The "this is our Independence Day" speech in Indepdendence Day. Whatever it was that Optimus Prime was pratting on about at the end of Transformers.)

  • Take a shot, yell U-S-A!, and touch yourself (you know that Michael Bay does) when the military is fetishized. (You'll probably have to seek medical attention after Pearl Harbor.)

Any others?

Note: I have not seen The Island.

And yes, despite my decade plus long bitching about Michael Bay, I'll likely see Transformers 2 sometime in the next week. I blame Star Trek. Had I not seen the trailer on the IMAX screen, I'd have no interest. But lordy, that man can direct action.

ETA since seeing the movie:
  • I realize that Independence Day is not a Michael Bay film.

  • The dowing of a beer at fire balls will kill you in Transformers 2.

  • There's also a sip necessary gratuitous, yet still PG, shots of a woman in a short dress, bending over, etc.

  • There's another speech that you can drink to that Graham and I call the "metaphor for life" speech, where the characters are talking about one thing, but really they mean something more profound about life itself. ("Dad, you have to let me go!!")

  • Take a gulp and yell "I feel the need, the need for speed" (as an homage to Bay's forefather, Jerry Bruckheimer) when you see or hear an outdated pop culture reference.

  • Take a sip at every rotation of a 360o camera shot.


( 10 comments — Say something )
Jun. 24th, 2009 04:57 pm (UTC)
I am not ashamed (much!) that Armageddon is one of my favorite movies ever. However, Pearl Harbor is one of the WORST! We made it better by screaming "IT'S JAPAN!" every time the Japanese flag took up most of the screen. You could add that to your drinking game.

I didn't want to like Transformers but that scene where all the autobots are trying to hide in the backyard makes me crack up EVERY TIME!
Jun. 24th, 2009 05:22 pm (UTC)
Try watching Pearl Harbor with a military history major and 'stina. There was much groaning and kicking. It's also bad when you can't buy the crap a character is spewing and it turns out that that was an actual speech.

Transformers definitely had its moments.

This game is designed to kill people, I assume. And, um, Transformers 2 is basically all explosions all the time, so alcohol poisoning should ensure buy the end of what would normally be a first act. And now even Michael Bay has blow up too many things and wants to get away from that.
Jun. 24th, 2009 07:09 pm (UTC)
That lives on as one of my favorite bad movie watching experiences ever!!!!
Jun. 24th, 2009 07:19 pm (UTC)
Me too. That was just hysterical. It is physically dangerous to sit next to 'stina in a theater. *nods*
Jun. 24th, 2009 07:42 pm (UTC)
She does take the aisle seats. :)

The crowd was worth the drive, if not the movie itself.
(Deleted comment)
Jun. 25th, 2009 04:51 am (UTC)
The "knowing nothing but victory? bit? Ugh. I think I might have the term wrong, but you were the military history person aka trying not to have a melt down. But I did get to interview on of the historical advisers for the film when he later worked on the much more accurate Black Hawk Down, "They wrote a love story and kind of added in the war as a secondary concern. Accuracy wasn't very high on their list."
Jun. 24th, 2009 06:38 pm (UTC)
Sadly, Independence Day is from the guys who brought you Stargate, not Michael Bay.
Jun. 24th, 2009 06:50 pm (UTC)
aaaah! I knew that. Independence Day has waaay too much talking to be a Michael Bay film.
Jun. 24th, 2009 06:44 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I <3 drinking games. some friends and I made one up for star trek once... one of the rules was you had to drink when an alien came on screen. oops! Spock was in a LOT of scenes! %-)
Jun. 24th, 2009 07:20 pm (UTC)

( 10 comments — Say something )