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Stalking

So a friend of mine reconnected with an ex on facebook after 15 or so years apart. She lives here in Houston, he lives in Seattle. He came out here for New Years to see if things would work out, and I guess they had a good time. She had a few other balls in the air at the time, and while she liked a lot of things about him, I never got the impression she thought he'd fit into her life, for a variety of reasons. I'm pretty sure that she made this clear to him.

He must have had a good time with her, because he pursued her. And he convinced her to go visit him in Seattle in March. She reluctantly did, though she was pretty sure that she wasn't all that interested in continuing any sort of romantic relationship, and she posted that she was very concerned, going to Seattle, that he was MUCH more into her than she was into him. She never said what happened in Seattle, but she was very clear when she got back that there was no future for them. She seemed relieved to come home and be far, far away from him. After she got back, she wrote him a physical letter to let him down gently.

And that's when the harrassment started. She reported 200 text messages in the course of four days. Long, rambly voice mails. Friend requests to her friends on facebook. Emails with links to sappy songs. Tweets and blog posts about her. At some point, he encouraged her to read his blog, and she posted a link to it on her journal. I read an entry and commented that maybe writing would help him process everything.

She said he started e-mailing her friends and family looking for a way in. She started wondering how awful things would be if they lived in the same city.

On April 2, she posted a ton of blog posts of his, almost all of them about her. He refers to her as "my Lady," as if he had some sort of ownership of her. My comment, after reading the posts, was "On the one hand, holy crap. On the other, at least he's not bugging you with this stuff. And maybe his writing will turn into something productive for him." She said she wished that were true, but e-mails, a card, a poem, a letter and a phonecall were still coming.

She's actually been a little sympathetic, because she'd been hurt romantically relatively recently and knew that the pain can be pretty awful. And she didn't want to kick him while he was down. But last week, she was at wit's end--moving house and changing her number, thinking about shutting down her journal, at the very least locking it down.

He must have known that she's losing it, because he started his stalking of her friends again. And on Sunday, I got this e-mail from him:
Hello Stina:

I noticed some significant traffic to my blog from your live journal account, so I figured a proper introduction is in order. I presume your activity there came at the request of Miss ______, and I must say that I am impressed you found the content interesting enough to spend nearly a half hour on the site on April 2nd. If you have any questions I would be happy to answer them to the best of my ability.

Cheers,

[the guy]
What the fuck? I, too, get stats on the visitors to my site, but I can't imagine tracking someone down to interrogate them on their presence here. And I was one of the relatively sympathetic ones. He's simply trying to intimidate either me or my friend, and it's served more to piss both of us off. Yesterday, she locked down everything else, facebook, LJ, and she acknowledged that he's turned into a true stalker.

Up until this point, no one has spoken up on her behalf in his space. Everyone was letting her call the shots on how to deal with him. That must have changed in the last day or so, after this last round of harrassment to her friends. She got an e-mail from him.
You win, your new gentleman has saw fit to slander and threaten me via my blog. Have a good life ________, no one I know deserves it more. You are a wonderful woman and I apologize for not meeting your high expectations. I hope you find what you are looking for.

Love Always in All Ways,

[the guy]
Of course, he somehow managed to put the blame of all of this on her and her "high expectations," as if somehow or another this whole thing was all her fault.

But I hope it's over, because that wasn't cool in the slightest and in no way did she deserve that kind of treatment. And to think that he professed to love her. Jesus.

Comments

( 11 comments — Say something )
samtosha
Apr. 27th, 2010 05:02 pm (UTC)
I got the same email from him. And I too let her call the shots as to how she wanted to deal with the situation. Since things have changed, it was time. Great post; you rock!
rlmurphy
Apr. 27th, 2010 05:04 pm (UTC)
How weird and awful for her. I hope it's over now.
gttygrl
Apr. 27th, 2010 05:44 pm (UTC)
Horrible and scary! I hope it really is the end for her. I'll never understand why some people choose to be so batshit crazy.
immlass
Apr. 27th, 2010 05:45 pm (UTC)
Wow, that's creepy. Good luck to your friend. I hope he goes away and doesn't come back.
cz_unit
Apr. 27th, 2010 06:05 pm (UTC)
And people wonder why I don't get on Facebook to "reconnect" with old "friends"....

No, the people in my life are there for a reason. And the people who are not are NOT there for a reason as well. Worst case is to have someone trying to push buttons that were shut down 20+ years ago.

And people do not change.

C
badrahessa
Apr. 27th, 2010 06:27 pm (UTC)
point well made, hindsight .....
lostvoice
Apr. 27th, 2010 06:07 pm (UTC)
Oh, this made me feel sick to my stomach. Poor dear. I really do hope he stops.
jasheffe
Apr. 27th, 2010 06:22 pm (UTC)
I'm reminded of Andre...
amberlynne
Apr. 28th, 2010 12:26 am (UTC)
Sadly, she is not alone.

Oops! Wrong link! But that one is funny! here is the psychotic letters from men one. It's super creepy how similar they all are, honestly. It's someone is giving a class on creepy stalking.

Edited at 2010-04-28 01:18 am (UTC)
archaica
Apr. 28th, 2010 07:39 pm (UTC)
That is fucking creepy!
(Deleted comment)
( 11 comments — Say something )

'stina

'stina is, surprisingly enough, a lawyer from Houston, Texas who rambles about quite a number of things.

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